Woman or a man in disguise – What am I?

“Man in disguise”, “ Macho woman”, “Don”, “ Member of guys gang” ….and a lot more…..these are the tags that my friends (specially male friends) associate with me. And I used to feel good when these friends confided in me. I often asked these friends of mine – why are u telling this to me? Aren’t you afraid that I might tell this to my female friends? And in response to these I was told in typical guys’ language…. “O dear u r a buddy man!!….bole to apun logo ke gang ka member, u r not someone to be afraid of”…..May be that quality (whether good or bad) of keeping things to myself made them confide in me….But ufff I hated these tags that labeled me as a male…..I used to feel am I wrongly born as a female….but I have all attributes of a female …I have long hair ….I do wear clothes that gives me total women attire…typical salwar suits ….choodidars and sometimes saree too…I do wear all those silly danglers also even though I hate them…..and to top of all I am emotional like every other gal…. I often wondered what to do? When asked, my friends would say why do you wanna change yourself? You do look like a gal but you behave as one of us…..You are awesome as you are….you are one of the best buddies….and then they would sing the famous song “ Tere jaisa yaar kahan….yaar ka yaarana”…..and I, would again be in a “proud to be friend of all” mindset….

But then comments like “ Bhanu, when u go to meet a guy (for marriage prospects) don’t talk to him like you talk with us(friends), behave like a gal” make me upset again and again.

And the dilemma is still on – Should I remain in the tom-boyish personality or should I behave like a typical gal? Coz behaving like a typical gal could lead to losing the relationships I share with my friends now…..and remaining in the tom-boy personality will keep upsetting me every now and then….